Dear Wife,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot1
5 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you moveKEEP READING.......!!!!!!!!========================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because I was trying to breathe!
Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.This game has been played since 1996.
So here are the rules:
If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week
If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for success
If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for love
If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone callRepost in 3.5 min. and your wish will come true
Make sure you repost in 3.5 min. or your wish won't come true.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Karate Class
Karate Class
Love Daily Jokes? Click to join this group
Joe was a not too smart kind of guy.
Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and sure enough there they were.
He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.
"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"
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Love Daily Jokes? Click to join this group
Joe was a not too smart kind of guy.
Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and sure enough there they were.
He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.
"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!"
~~~~~~~~
Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage
Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wedding Rehearsal
During the wedding rehearsal,
the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer."Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."
the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer."Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Toilet ?????????
A Toilet is like a committee meeting.People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER.
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Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the fieldTeacher : How?Student : Ladies first.
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Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?Husband: Nothing.Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
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Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the fieldTeacher : How?Student : Ladies first.
~~~~~~~~~
Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?Husband: Nothing.Wife: Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
~~~~~~~~~
Sunday, May 4, 2008
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