Man Inside Woman ???!!!!!

WOMAN has MAN in it .

SHE has HE in it.

Mrs. Has Mr. In it.

LADY has LAD in it.

MISTERESS has MISTER in it.

MADAM has ADAM in it.

HOSTESS has HOST in it.

FEMALE has MALE in it

......and so on the list is never ending

SO NO need to be proud ....Girls

YOU are always incomplete without Boys....

******

Shocking Telegrams

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.

At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

************ ***

TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi .

When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.

He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.

It was written:

'Sethji aaj mar ! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )

************

How to Spot an Indian ?

* Everything you eat is savoured with garlic, onions and chillies.

* You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.

* You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.

* You arrive one or two hours late to a party, and think it's normal.

* You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

* Your toilet has a plastic bowl next to the commode.

* All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

* You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

* You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

* You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch .

* You live with your parents even if you are 40 years old. (And they like it that way).

* If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel it's your duty to spread the word.

* You only make long distance calls after 11pm.

* If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

* When your parents meet Indian for the first time and talk for a few minutes, you soon discover they are your relatives.

* Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs while talking.

* You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

* It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

* You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.

* You're alw ays interested to know/interfere in others' personal matters, what they are doing, where they are going, etc.

* You have really enjoyed reading this mail because you know some, or most of them, applies to you!

******

Heart can skip Beats ( Romantic )

Heart Can Skip Beats 4 a While
Memories can be kept in a file
A desert can replace the Nile
But...
Nothing can stop a smile when ur name appears on my mobile.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

My eyes reacted
My mind was attracted,
My heart was affected,
Thousands were rejected,
But u alone were selected !!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Measured by miles you are far from me.
Measured by thoughts you are closer to me.

Measured by closed eyes you are with me.
Measured by Heart you are in me...forever..

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Old Funny Cartoon ( Black and White )

Cool meanings

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

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Love affairs:

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

***********

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

***********

Divorce:

Future tense of marriage

***********

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

***********

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

***********

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

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Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .

***********

Dictionary:

A place where divorce comes before marriage.

***********

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

***********

Ecstasy:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

***********

Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.

***********

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

***********

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

***********

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

***********

Etc:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

***********

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

***********

Experience:

The name men give to their mistakes.

***********

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

***********

Philosopher:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

***********

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

***********

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

***********

Optimist:

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

***********

Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

***********

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

***********

Father:

A banker provided by nature.

***********

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.

***********

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

***********

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

***********

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

***********

Good One Liner

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil
in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We may
never piss this way again."

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to
6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?

Pilot asking permission to land said, "Guess who?"
Controller switches the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

www.moftahy.net

Men are better friends

Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.


Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!


Conclusion : Men are better friends

http://www.moftahy.net/

Santa studied

Santa for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and it read:  AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

 

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

 

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Santa : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Santa : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

 

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

 

Prince Charles & Santa were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".

Santa thinks "how poetic"
Santa says, "pass the custard you bastard".

 

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

 

Preeto was about to give birth to a baby.

Santa: If it looks like you, it  would be great.

Preeto : If it looks like you, it would be a miracle.

www.moftahy.net

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

 

God Made Daylight ( Funny )

God made daylight

 

 

 

 

God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.

............ ......... ......... ......... ....

 

 

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

............ ......... ......... ......... ....

 

 

HAR KASHTI ka sahil nahi hota
Kimti chiz ke har koi kabil nahi hota..
Ye to tumhari kismat aachi hai varna
Tumhare jaise ladko ke paas mobile nahi hota .

............ ......... ......... ......... ....

 

 

Arz kiya hai.

Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
Agar aapki shakal gadhe se milti hai,
To isme gadhe ki kya galti hai.

............ ......... ......... ......... ....

 

Love In Mathematics

My Dear SweetHeart,


Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.


Truly Yours

************

Smileys , comedies and Funny Stuff

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

************

Decomposing Can ( Amazing AD )

Faltu.tv

Click here to PLAY VIDEO

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.