If you Love someone Quotes

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

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THE NEW VERSIONS.... .

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Pessimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

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Optimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
Don't worry, she will come back.

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Suspicious:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

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Playful:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
*If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her
free again, repeat *

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Bill Gates :

If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees but
tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

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Finance expert :

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

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Funny conversation between Bush and RICE

Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you? What''s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let's hear it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I''m asking you? Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu?

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya?asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That''s the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. On the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi?

George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.

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Knowledge is very important very funny

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:

Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!

Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.

If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport.

They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece,

arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

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Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.

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Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same.

Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

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Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

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Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

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Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline.

They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves.

They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html.

Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

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Honesty funny story

Honesty

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"


"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."


When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."


The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."


Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!"

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HIJACK Funny Story

HIJACK !!!

One guy in the plane got up all of sudden and shouted "HIJACK" ...

The passengers got scared and put their hands up ...

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From the other end someone shouted Hi John...

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What happens when desi returns from USA ?

What happens when desi returns from USA ?

21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.

20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).

19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".

Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".

Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".

Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".

Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".

Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".

Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".

Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important stuffs:-

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

And The Ultimate One:-

1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Keep smiling :)

If a STUDENT makes a mistake

If a STUDENT makes a mistake

If a BARBER makes a mistake, it's a new style....... ......... .....

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If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.... ......... ........

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If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation... ......... ........

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If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture..... ......... .

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If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law......... .........

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If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention... ......... .

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If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..... ......... ....

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If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory...... ......... ...

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If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!! !

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Quotes about Wives

Quotes about Wives

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Famous Quotes about Wives

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

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The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henny Youngman

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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