WOMAN has MAN in it .
SHE has HE in it.
Mrs. Has Mr. In it.
LADY has LAD in it.
MISTERESS has MISTER in it.
MADAM has ADAM in it.
HOSTESS has HOST in it.
FEMALE has MALE in it
......and so on the list is never ending
SO NO need to be proud ....Girls
YOU are always incomplete without Boys....
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
MEN ?
: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
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Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
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Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
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Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...
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Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
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Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: I) no mind ii) no business
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Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
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Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
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Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
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Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
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Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
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A: Puppies grow up.
************ *
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
************ *
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
************ *
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...
************ *
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
************ *
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: I) no mind ii) no business
************ *
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
************ *
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
************ *
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
************ *
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
************ *
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
************ *
Thursday, November 8, 2007
THE FUNNIES ON LIFE
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
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Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
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Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
**********
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same.
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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often ?
**********
Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
**********
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
**********
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
**********
Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
**********
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
**********
Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same.
**********
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often ?
Heaven & Hell
Heaven is when you have
An American Salary
A British Home
A Chinese Food
An Indian Wife
Hell is when you have
American Wife
British Food
Chinese Home
and Indian Salary
An American Salary
A British Home
A Chinese Food
An Indian Wife
Hell is when you have
American Wife
British Food
Chinese Home
and Indian Salary
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Snacks of Humor
1] You can become an engineer if you go to an Engineering college,
But don't expect to be a President going to the Presidency College!
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[2] Expect a BUS at a BUS Stop, but Don't expect a FOOL at FULLSTOP(.)
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[3] A Mechanical engineer becomes a mechanic
Then why not a software engineer become a software?
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[4] Find keys in a Key board
But do not expect a mother in mother board.
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[5] Study anything you want and get a certificate in subject of your studies
But don't expect a death certificate studying "Dying and Death."
But don't expect to be a President going to the Presidency College!
*******
[2] Expect a BUS at a BUS Stop, but Don't expect a FOOL at FULLSTOP(.)
*******
[3] A Mechanical engineer becomes a mechanic
Then why not a software engineer become a software?
*******
[4] Find keys in a Key board
But do not expect a mother in mother board.
*******
[5] Study anything you want and get a certificate in subject of your studies
But don't expect a death certificate studying "Dying and Death."
Saturday, November 3, 2007
I like your beard
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend"
When she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.
That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon !"
When she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.
That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon !"
Friday, November 2, 2007
Bicycles are better.....!
1. Bicycles don't pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Surprise, you're goning to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents .
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Surprise, you're goning to own a new bicycle" unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents .
ME and MY BOSS
When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets
Handgun v/s Woman
The Top 10 reasons why a Handgun is better than a Woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
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#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
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#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
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#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
***********
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
***********
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
***********
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
***********
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
***********
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
***********
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
***********
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
***********
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
***********
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
***********
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
***********
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
***********
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
***********
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
***********
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
***********
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
***********
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
***********
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Funny Quotes
Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . So why practice?
Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals. - They are so tasty .
Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
When two's company, - three's the result!
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........
Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals. - They are so tasty .
Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
When two's company, - three's the result!
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........
Today Joke
One guy suddenly got up in a plane and said
"hijack"
*
*
Everybody in the plane put there hands up.
Then suddenly
*
*
*
Another guy from another side got up and said
"hi...john"
********
"hijack"
*
*
Everybody in the plane put there hands up.
Then suddenly
*
*
*
Another guy from another side got up and said
"hi...john"
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