Knowledge is very important very funny

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:

Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!

Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.

Funny story Force feeding

Force feeding

George has an operation on his neck, so he has to be force-fed through his ass.

At mealtime, the nurse rolls in a big feeding machine, attaches one end of a tube to the machine, and shoves the other end far up George's ass.

After a few days of the force-feeding, George says, "Hey, nurse, have you got another one of those machines here at the hospital?"

She says, "Yes, of course. Why?"

George says, "I want you to have dinner with me tomorrow."

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If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport.

They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece,

arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

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Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.

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Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same.

Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

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Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

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Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

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Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline.

They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves.

They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html.

Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

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He vs sHe in Office job humor

He vs sHe in Office

How the company views its employees. (HE vs SHE)

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1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.

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2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

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3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal

SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.

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4. HE's not at his desk. He must be at a meeting.

SHE's not at her desk. She must be in the ladies' room.

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5. HE's not in the office. He's meeting with customers.

SHE's not in the office. She must be out shopping.

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6. HE's having lunch with the boss. He's on his way up.

SHE's having lunch with the boss. They must be having an affair.

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7. The boss criticised HIM. He'll improve his performance.

The boss criticized HER. She'll be very upset.

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8. HE got an unfair deal. Did he get angry?

SHE got an unfair deal. Did she cry?

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9. HE's going on a business trip. It's good for his career.

SHE's going on a business trip. What does her husband say?

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10 . HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.

SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable

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Punishment air force style

Punishment air force style

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.

So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

This guy finds that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do.

Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later.


As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished".

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath,

Stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland, for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers' asses are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft.

Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"

Can Not Stop Laughing Very Funny Video

Doctor's Medical Certificate Funny

Doctor Certified

I Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ ____ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.

Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.

The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc.

Which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.

Sd/- Dr. Impatient

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Clever Girls Funny Joke

Clever Girls

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.


She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"


The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?"

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

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Honesty funny story

Honesty

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"


"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."


When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."


The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."


Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!"

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HIJACK Funny Story

HIJACK !!!

One guy in the plane got up all of sudden and shouted "HIJACK" ...

The passengers got scared and put their hands up ...

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From the other end someone shouted Hi John...

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Life is a one way

Life is a one way

Life is a one way street....
No Matter which door u take..
Non of them..
Leads back..
So Enjoy every moment of ur life..
B'coz nothing will happen the same way again....take care..

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The most determinative & motivating sentence which shud always be followed in life.
The RACE is NOT OVER because I haven't WON yet.

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Have you ever watched a stone cutter at work??
He will hammer away at a rock, for perhaps a 100 times without a crack showing in it.
Then, on the 101st blow, it will split in two..
It is not that blow alone.. Which accomplished the result,
But the 100 others that went before as well...
So...
To accomplish any goal...keep going...

What matters is PERSISTENCY ....

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Generous lawyer Funny Story

Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.


"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"


The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"


Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... No."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.


"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."


On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"