Classified ads

 

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...


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MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.


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TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."


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WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.


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THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!

 

To: My loving wife

 

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,

expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;


MORAL  OF STORY - be careful while sending mails if not mishaps like these happen ..

No wonder men are happier

 

What do you expect from such simple creatures? 
 
Your last name stays put. 
 
The garage is all yours.
 
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
 
Chocolate is just another snack. 
 
You can be President.
 
You can never be pregnant.
 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
 
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
 
The world is your urinal. 
 
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
 
Same work, more pay.
 
Wrinkles add character. 
 
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.
 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
 
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.
 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks. 
 
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
 
You can  open all your own jars.
 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
 
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
 
You almost never have strap problems in public.
 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
 
Everything on your face stays its original color.
 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
 
You only have to shave your face and neck.
 
You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.
 
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. 
 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
 
You can "do" your nails with a pocket  knife. 
 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
 
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  

 

 

Difference Beween Love and Marriage ?

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.


Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.


Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.


Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.


Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .


Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.


Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.


Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.


Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".


Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

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Girls in an Elevator

Click here to play video

Magical Wish

One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole.

The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first."

The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.

The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."

Kids too much :)

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:


"ME."

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A Rebellious Little Bird

There was once a little bird who decided to rebel against tradition, and when it came time to fly south for the winter, he decided to stay behind. All the other birds flew south for the warmer weather, leaving the rebellious one alone.

Of course, it wasn't long before the little bird discovered he had made a terrible mistake. Winter set in and it became very cold. So, he decided that he had better take off and fly south like his friends.

He started flying, but didn't get very far before the cold north wind began to freeze his wings, and he went plummeting down, down, down ... He fell straight down from the sky, through an open hole in the rooftop of a nearby barn, and directly into a fresh pile of cow dung.

Well, the warmth thawed out his wings, and soon he was feeling fine again. But, as his little head popped out from the smelly dung, along came a cat who plucked him up and ate him.

Moral : Whenever you end up in a pile of DoDo it may not necessarily be a bad thing, and everyone that comes to pull you out of your DoDo may not necessarily be a good thing.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.

Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.

And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE"

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Man: Sardarji where were U born?

Sardarji: Punjab.Man: Which part?


Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar


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A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said,"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.


Its 4 asterisks (****).


"The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

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DON'T MARRY A LAZY MAN

CIA

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feelingToo hot that morning anyway.
I went to breakfast knowing my wifeWould be pleasant and say ?Happy Birthday,?
And would probably have a present for me.She didn't even say ?Good Morning,? Let alone any ?Happy Birthday.?
I thought, ?Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember .?The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet , said,
?Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.? So I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said,?You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday,
let's go to lunch, just you and me.? I said, ?By George,that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go. ?
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;We went out into the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.On the way back to the office, she said,
?You know, it's such a beautiful day.We don't need to go back to the office, do we??
I said, ?No, I guess not.? She said, ?Let's go to my apartment.?After arriving at her apartment she said, ?Boss, if you don't mind ,
I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. ??Sure,? I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and,
In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake,Followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.All were singing ? Happy Birthday? And there on the couch I sat... Naked.