Banned commercial - Guinness Beer

Guinness Beer : Share with a Friend
Banned commercial - Guinness Beer Guinness Beer - Share with a Friend or Two... JavaScript is disabled! To display this content, you need a...

faltu.tv

How to ask your boss for a salary increase ?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing MO$t de$perately.

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply

Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly

Manager

When maths teacher writes love letter

 

My Dear SweetHeart,

 

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

 

There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.

 

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

 

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

 

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

 

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

 

You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

 

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.

 

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

 

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

 

*********

Geography and The Woman

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!!

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

www.moftahy.net www.ahlawia.com

One liners - Definations

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

**********

2. Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a 5 day test match.

**********

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gains her master's.

**********

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

**********

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through "the minds of either".

**********

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

**********

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in? Such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.

**********

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which the masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

**********

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.

**********

10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everyone disagrees later on.

**********

11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

**********

12. Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.

**********

13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

**********

14. Office: A place where you can relax from the strenuous home life.

**********

15. Yawn: The only time some married men get to open their mouth.

**********

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

**********

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

**********

18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

**********

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

**********

The brick

About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street.

He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old.

He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed Into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH..!!! ! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown.

Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"

"Please, mister, please. . . I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" Pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!"

Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car.

"It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK.

He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE -a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar.

He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention. . .

Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life coming at to you. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has positive answers.

***********

Fall In Sports Funny Pictures

Man Inside Woman ???!!!!!

WOMAN has MAN in it .

SHE has HE in it.

Mrs. Has Mr. In it.

LADY has LAD in it.

MISTERESS has MISTER in it.

MADAM has ADAM in it.

HOSTESS has HOST in it.

FEMALE has MALE in it

......and so on the list is never ending

SO NO need to be proud ....Girls

YOU are always incomplete without Boys....

******

Shocking Telegrams

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.

At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

************ ***

TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi .

When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.

He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.

It was written:

'Sethji aaj mar ! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )

************

How to Spot an Indian ?

* Everything you eat is savoured with garlic, onions and chillies.

* You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.

* You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.

* You arrive one or two hours late to a party, and think it's normal.

* You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

* Your toilet has a plastic bowl next to the commode.

* All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

* You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

* You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

* You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch .

* You live with your parents even if you are 40 years old. (And they like it that way).

* If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel it's your duty to spread the word.

* You only make long distance calls after 11pm.

* If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

* When your parents meet Indian for the first time and talk for a few minutes, you soon discover they are your relatives.

* Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs while talking.

* You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

* It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

* You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.

* You're alw ays interested to know/interfere in others' personal matters, what they are doing, where they are going, etc.

* You have really enjoyed reading this mail because you know some, or most of them, applies to you!

******

Heart can skip Beats ( Romantic )

Heart Can Skip Beats 4 a While
Memories can be kept in a file
A desert can replace the Nile
But...
Nothing can stop a smile when ur name appears on my mobile.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

My eyes reacted
My mind was attracted,
My heart was affected,
Thousands were rejected,
But u alone were selected !!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Measured by miles you are far from me.
Measured by thoughts you are closer to me.

Measured by closed eyes you are with me.
Measured by Heart you are in me...forever..

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Old Funny Cartoon ( Black and White )