Good One To Laugh

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

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Wonderful coffee Funny Stuff

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

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Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

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A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......

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7 Years Old Break Dancer On Ellen

Whale blowing "smoke rings" underwater

Greatest Condom commercial ever

Banned commercial - Guinness Beer

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How to ask your boss for a salary increase ?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing MO$t de$perately.

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely

Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply

Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly

Manager

When maths teacher writes love letter

 

My Dear SweetHeart,

 

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

 

There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.

 

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

 

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

 

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

 

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

 

You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

 

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.

 

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

 

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

 

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Geography and The Woman

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!!

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

www.moftahy.net www.ahlawia.com

One liners - Definations

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

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2. Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a 5 day test match.

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3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gains her master's.

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4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

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5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through "the minds of either".

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6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

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7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in? Such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.

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8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which the masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

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9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.

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10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everyone disagrees later on.

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11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

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12. Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.

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13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

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14. Office: A place where you can relax from the strenuous home life.

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15. Yawn: The only time some married men get to open their mouth.

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16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

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17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

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18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

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19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

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The brick

About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street.

He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old.

He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed Into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH..!!! ! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown.

Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"

"Please, mister, please. . . I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" Pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!"

Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car.

"It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK.

He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE -a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar.

He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention. . .

Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life coming at to you. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has positive answers.

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Fall In Sports Funny Pictures