How To Be A Friend ?

How To Be A Friend

01. Don't worry about knowing people just make yourself worth knowing.

02. Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.

03. If you can buy a person's friendship, it is not worth it.

04. True friends have hearts that beat as one.

05. If you cannot think of any nice things to say about your friends, then you have the wrong friends.

06. Make friends before you need them.

07. If you were another person, would you like to be a friend of yours?

08. A good friend is one who neither looks down on you nor keeps up with you.

09. Be friendly with the folks you know… if it weren't for them you would be a total stranger.

10. A friend is never known till he is needed.

11. Friendship is a responsibility. ..not an opportunity.

12. Friendship is the cement that holds the world together.

13. Friends are those who speak to you after others don't.

14. The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.

15. Pick your friends, but not to pieces.

16. A friend is one who puts his finger on a fault without rubbing it in.

17. The way to have friends is to be willing to lose some arguments.

18. If a friend makes a mistake, don't rub it in... Rub it out.

19. Deal with other's faults as gently as if they were your own.

20. People are judged by the company they keep and the company they keep away from.

21. A friend is a person who can step on your toes without messing up your shine.

22. The best mirror is an old friend.

23. The best possession one may have is a true friend.

24. Make friendship a habit and you will always have friends.

25. You will never have a friend if you must have one without faults.

26. Doing nothing for your friends results in having no friends to do for.

27. Anyone can give advice, but a real friend will lend a helping hand.

28. You can make more friends by being interested in them than trying to have them be interested in you.

29. A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself, lets you forget it.

30. A friend is a person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

31. You can buy friendship with friendship, but never with dollars.

32. True friends are like diamonds, precious but rare; false friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.

33. A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.


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Doctor's Medical Certificate

Doctor's Medical Certificate

Doctor Certified

I Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ ____ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.

Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.

The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc.

Which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.

Sd/- Dr. Impatient

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How guys select the girl funny

How guys select the girl

How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

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Wife from Hell

Wife from Hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”


The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”

The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”


And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”

U'll love this part....

'Only when he's been drinking.'

It could have been worse !!!! Funny

It could have been worse

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''


His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.


So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''


And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''


Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''


Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''


Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''


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Umbrella Thief Funny Story

Umbrella Thief

A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.

On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.

The woman started yelled, "Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief."


The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, "Seems, you had a profitable day at work today."

What happens when desi returns from USA ?

What happens when desi returns from USA ?

21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.

20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).

19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".

Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".

Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".

Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".

Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".

Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".

Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".

Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important stuffs:-

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

And The Ultimate One:-

1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Keep smiling :)

Once Upon A Time

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.

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Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess.

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Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.

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Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.

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Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher trade and students consume.

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Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.

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Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.

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Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.

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Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.

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Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.

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Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business.

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Once upon a time the government was clean and sex was dirty, now one doesn't know.

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If a STUDENT makes a mistake

If a STUDENT makes a mistake

If a BARBER makes a mistake, it's a new style....... ......... .....

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If a DRIVER makes a mistake, it's an accident.... ......... ........

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If a DOCTOR makes a mistake, it's an operation... ......... ........

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If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture..... ......... .

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If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law......... .........

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If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention... ......... .

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If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..... ......... ....

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If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory...... ......... ...

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If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!! !

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18 rules for life

18 rules for life

1. Pursue Achievable Goals

2. Keep Genuine Smiles
3. Share with Others
4. Help Thy Neighbors
5.Maintain a Youthful Spirit
6. Get Along with the Rich, the Poor, the Beautiful, &the Ugly
7. Keep Cool Under Pressure
8 . Lighten the Atmosphere with Humor
9. Forgive the Annoyance of Others
10. Have a Few Pals
11. Cooperate and Reap Greater Rewards
12. Treasure Every Moment with Your Love Ones
13. Have High Confidence in Yourself
14. Respect the Disadvantaged
15. Indulge Yourself Occasionally
16. Surf the Net at Leisure
17. Take Calculated Risks
18. Understand "Money Isn't Everything"

Quotes about Wives

Quotes about Wives

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Famous Quotes about Wives

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

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The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henny Youngman

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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What ur name means....... .. Check it out !!

Naming Ceremony

What ur name means....... .. Check it out !!

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.

Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE) & (Is'nt it GRêT !!)

If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.
For Example : MARK

M - Success comes easily to you.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
R - You are a social butterfly.
K - You like to try new things..


A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E =You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have exce! Llent ways of viewing people.
H =You are not judgmental.
I =You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously
K =You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you..
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P =You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R =You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X = You never let people tell you w! Hat to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

CHECK YOU'RE NAME MEANING AND YOU WILL FIND THAT THIS IS TRUE.

The problems with "HE" as thought by "SHE"

The problems with "HE" as thought by "SHE"

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from VILLAGE.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u DON'T LOVE him;
If u DO!! He says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAIN.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

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The 5 Toughest Questions A Woman can ask a Man

The 5 Toughest Questions

The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

The questions are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (I.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

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Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

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Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

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Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

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She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

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