If you Love someone Quotes

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

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THE NEW VERSIONS.... .

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Pessimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

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Optimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
Don't worry, she will come back.

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Suspicious:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

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Playful:

If you love someone,
Set her free ............ .....
*If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her
free again, repeat *

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Bill Gates :

If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees but
tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

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Finance expert :

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

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The Second Opinion in a sexual problem

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection, either."

Words women use

Words women use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

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Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

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Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

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Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

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Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

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That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

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Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

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15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR WOMAN

15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR WOMAN

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1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.

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2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

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3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

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4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

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5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

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6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

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7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

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8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

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9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

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10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

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11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

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12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

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13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

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14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

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15. Sadly, all men are created equal!

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Seasonal Excitement

Seasonal Excitement

A statue of a Macho athlete was displayed in a Museum.

Husband and Wife came walking there appreciating and arguing everything they saw so far. Husband would not let wife win the battles of wits.


So wife relaxed watching this nude statue with just a couple of leaves to cover its privates, hoping husband goes to other displays.


The husband says, "Marvelous, but really darling there is not much to appreciate here. What is it that you are waiting for?"

Wife says, "Dear, the season when the Leaves Fall."

Funny conversation between Bush and RICE

Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you? What''s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let's hear it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I''m asking you? Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu?

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya?asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That''s the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. On the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi?

George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.

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Knowledge is very important very funny

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:

Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!

Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?
Raman: No
Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.

Funny story Force feeding

Force feeding

George has an operation on his neck, so he has to be force-fed through his ass.

At mealtime, the nurse rolls in a big feeding machine, attaches one end of a tube to the machine, and shoves the other end far up George's ass.

After a few days of the force-feeding, George says, "Hey, nurse, have you got another one of those machines here at the hospital?"

She says, "Yes, of course. Why?"

George says, "I want you to have dinner with me tomorrow."

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If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport.

They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece,

arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

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Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.

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Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same.

Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

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Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

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Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

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Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline.

They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves.

They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html.

Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

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