Comedy for All: December 2008

Rules for Male, Written by Female

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. )

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Church ancient statue ( Oops... Funny )

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Your Daughter is Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Are not you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they had show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

Fun photos with Apple Photobooth

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Husband of the year awards

An honorable mention for :
The United Kingdom

...followed closely by The United States of America

and then ... Poland

but 3rd Place must go to...
.. Greece

it was very very close but the runner up prize was a warded to... Serbia

but the winner of the husband/partner of the year
...is

Ireland
Ya gotta love the Irish.

The Irish are true romantics , look, he's even
holding her hand.

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HIS terectomy .

Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
Send this to all the men just to annoy them ......

One trully amazing guitar player

Click here to PLAY

Funny Greeting Cards - Outside n Inside

1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

9. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

10. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

11. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

12. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

13. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

14. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

15. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

16. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

17. We have been friends for a very long time...
(inside card) - What do you say we stop?

I can sleep when the wind blows

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast.

He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic . They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic , wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.

As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received A steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!"

The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.

To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred.

The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

******

When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?

******

still women loves man

Interesting facts

Men are like computers – hard to figure out and never have enough memory Still Women likes man

Men are like coolers – load them with beer and you can take them anywhere Still Women likes man

Men are like chocolate bars – sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips Still Women likes man

Men are like coffee – the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night Still Women likes man

Men are like horoscopes – they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong Still Women likes man

Men are like cement – after getting laid they take a long time to get hard Still Women likes man

Men are like laxatives – they irritate the shit out of you Still Women likes man

Men are like parking spots – the good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped Still Women likes man

A man is like a snowstorm – you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last Still Women likes man

What should you give a man who has everything? – A woman to show him how to work it Still Women likes man

How does a man show he's planning for the future? – He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Still Women likes man

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? – The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Still Women likes man

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? – They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time. Still Women likes man

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? – After a year the dog is still excited to see you. Still Women likes man

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? – Breasts don't have eyes. Still Women likes man

What's the difference between men and government bonds? – Bonds mature Still Women likes man

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? – We don't know, it's never happened Still Women likes man

Why are men like tile floors? – If you lay ' em properly the first time, you can walk over them for years. Still Women likes man

What do you call a man with half a brain? – Gifted. Still Women likes man

AND FINALLY …… Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? – Because these men already have boyfriends! Still Women likes man

Someone Who Understands

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read: "Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.

The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."

The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.

"I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran out in the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.

Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"

The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always be lame.

The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."

The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."

The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."

The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."

To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands."

Don't we all need someone who understands?

******

One Little Champ ( wOw )

Click here to PLAY VIDEO

Before & After Marriage

Before Marriage

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After marriage...

Simply read from bottom to top.

The Master good Article

When one Guru was dying, one of his deciple asked him "Guruji, who was your master?"He said, "I had thousands of masters. If I just relate their names it will take months, years and it is too late. But three masters I will certainly tell you about.

One was a thief. Once I got lost in the desert, and when I reached a village it was very late, everything was closed. But at last I found one man who was trying to make a hole in t he wall of a house. I asked him where I could stay and he said 'At this time of night it will be difficult, but you can say with me - if you can stay with a thief'.And the man was so beautiful. I stayed for one month! And each night he would say to me, 'Now I am going to my work. You rest, you pray.' When he came back I would ask 'Could you get anything?' He would say, 'Not tonight. But tomorrow I will try again, God willing.' He was never in a state of hopelessness, he was always happy.

When I was meditating and meditating for years on end and nothing was happening, many times the moment came when I was so desperate, so hopeless,that I thought to stop all this nonsense. And suddenly I would remember the thief who would say every night, 'God willing, tomorrow it is going to happen.'

And my second master was a dog. I was going to the river, thirsty and a dog came. He was also thirsty. He looked into the river, he saw another dog there -- his own image -- and became afraid. He would bard and run away, but his thirst was so much that he would come back. Finally, despite his fear, he just jumped into the water, and the image disappeared. And I knew that a message had come to me from God: one has to jump in spite of all fears.

And the third master was a small child. I entered a town and a child was carrying a lit candle. He was going to the mosque to put the candle there.

'Just joking,' I asked the boy, 'Have you lit the candle yourself?' He said,

'Yes sir.' And I asked, 'There was a moment when the candle was unlit, then there was a moment when the candle was lit. Can you show me the source from which the light came?' And the boy laughed, blew out the candle, and said, 'Now you have seen the light going. Where has it gone? You will tell me!'

My ego was shattered, my whole knowledge was shattered. And that moment I felt my own stupidity. Since then I dropped all my knowledgeability.

It is true that I had no master. That does not mean that I was not a disciple

-- I accepted the whole existence as my master. My Disciplehood was a greater involvement than yours is. I trusted the clouds, the trees. I trusted existence as such. I had no master because I had millions of masters I learned from every possible source. To be a disciple is a must on the path. What does it mean to be a disciple? It means to be able to learn. To be available to learn to be vulnerable to existence. With a master you start learning to learn.

The master is a swimming pool where you can learn how to swim. Once you have learned, all the oceans are yours."

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Job as a driver

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Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k

Santa : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?

How much is DRIVING salary...?

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Santa's theory :

Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed

& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Santa & Banta are driving a Car,

Santa puts on the indicator and asks Banta to check whether its working,

He puts his head out and says - YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Santa shouting 2 his girl friend

" u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

BASEBALL TENNIS FUNNY VIDEO

Baseball Tennis
Baseball Tennis It may not be real, but it sure is cool! JavaScript is disabled! To display this content, you need a JavaScript capable browser....

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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

German Coast Guard Very Funny video ( Improve your English )

German Coast Guard - Lost in Translation
German Coast Guard - Lost in Translation Improve your english JavaScript is disabled! To display this content, you need a JavaScript capable...

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